What matters most: IQ or emotional intelligence?
A belligerent samurai, an old Japanese tale goes, once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell. But the monk replied with scorn, “You’re nothing but a lout – I can’t waste my time with the likes of you!”. His very honor attacked, the samurai flew into a rage and pulling his sword from its scabbard, yelled, “I could kill you for your impertinence”.
“That,” the monk calmly replied, “is hell”.
Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in its grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for the insight.
“And that”, said the monk, “is heaven”.
The sudden awakening of the samurai to his own agitated state illustrates the crucial differences between caught up in a feeling and becoming aware that you are being swept away by it. Socrates’s injunction “Know Thyself” speaks to this keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one’s own feelings as they occur.
The high-IQ male:
- Have a wide range of intellectual interests and abilities.
- He is ambitious and productive, predictable and dogged, and untroubled by concerns about himself.
- He also tends to be critical and condescending.
- Fastidious and inhibited.
- Uneasy with sexuality and sensual experience.
- Unexpressive and detached.
- Emotionally bland and cold.
The emotionally intelligent male:
- Socially poised, outgoing and cheerful, not prone to fearfulness or worried rumination.
- They have a notable capacity for commitment to people or causes, for taking responsibility, and for having an ethical outlook.
- They are sympathetic and caring in their relationships.
- Their emotional life is rich, but approppriate.
- They are comfortable with themselves, others and the social universe they live in.
The high-IQ woman:
- Intellectual confidence
- They are fluent in expressing their thoughts, value intellectual matters, and have a wide range of intellectual and aesthetic interests.
- They also tend to be introspective, prone to anxiety, rumination, and guilt.
- Hesitate to express their anger openly (though they do so indirectly).
The emotionally intelligent woman:
- Tend to be assertive and express their feeling directly, and to feel positive about themselves; life holds meaning for them.
- Like the men, they are outgoing and gregarious, and express their feelings approppriately (rather than say, in outbursts they later regret); they adapt well to stress.
- Their social poise lets them easily reach out to new people; they are comfortable enough with themselves to be playful, spontaneous, and open to sensual experience.
- Unlike the women purely high in IQ, they rarely feel anxious or guilty, or sink into rumination.
Idyawati H.
Quoting Daniel Goleman (1995), “Emotional Intelligence why it can matter more than IQ”
