Men vs. Women Easily Misinterpreted Communications
A man says:
“I’m OK” or “It’s OK“. A woman may respond “I know something’s wrong. What is it?”
“I’m fine” or “It’s fine“. A woman may respond “But you seem upset. Let’s talk”
“It’s nothing“. A woman may respond “I want to help. I know something is bothering you. What is it?”
“It’s all right” or “I’m all right“. A woman may respond “Are you sure? I am happy to help you”
“It’s not big deal“. A woman may respond “But something is upsetting you. I think we should talk”
“It’s not a problem“. A woman may respond “But it is a problem. I could help”
When a man makes one of the above abbreviated comments he generally wants silent acceptance or space. At times like this, to avoid misinterpretation and unnecessary panic, women need to know that when a man says “I am OK” it is an abbreviation version of what he really means, which is “I am OK because I can deal with this alone. I do not need any help. Please support me by not worrying about me. Trust that I can deal with it by myself”. When women attempt to help men by asking questions or talking about what she thinks the problem is, she proceeds to anger him whilst he really wants to be left alone.
“Men go to their caves and women talk.” One biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved. At these times, a man’s needs for feeling good are different from a woman’s. He feels better by solving problems while she feels better by talking about problems. Not understanding and accepting these differences creates unnecessary friction in our relationships. Let’s look at a common example.
When a man comes home, he wants to relax and unwind by quietly reading the news. He is stressed by the unsolved problems of his day and finds relief through forgetting them. The wife, also wants to relax from her stressful day. She, however, wants to find relief by talking about the problems of her day. The tension slowly building between them gradually becomes resentment. The man thinks that the wife talks too much, while the wife feels ignored. Without understanding their differences they will grow further apart.
