Six Ways to Make People Like You
Rule 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
Rule 2: Smile
Rule 3: Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in the English language
Rule 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves
Rule 5: Talk in terms of the other man’s interest
Rule 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely
Whenever you go out of the doors, draw the chin in, carry the crown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost; drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, and put soul into every hand-clasp. Do not fear being misunderstood and do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies. Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like to do; and then, without veering of direction, you will move straight to the goal. Keep in your mind on the great and splendid things you would like to do, and then, as the days go gliding by you will find yourself unconsciously seizing upon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillment of your desire. Picture in your mind the able, earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought you hold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual. Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude-the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer. To think rightly is to create. All things are created twice. There’s a mental or first creation, and a physical or second creation to all things.
(Source: How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie, pp. 87)
Before going any further, I would like to invite you to have an intellectual and emotional experience. Take a few seconds and just look at the picture below.
Do you see a woman? How old do you think this woman be? What does she looks like? What is she wearing? In what kind of roles do you see her? I used this exercise in my HCI class at the School of Informatics. I was trying to demonstrate clearly and eloquently that two people can see the same thing, disagree, and yet both be right. It’s not logical; its psychological. When I asked the students to explain what they saw, some of them said it was an old woman’s image and some shouted that it was a young woman. They even would like to take the woman out for dinner if possible. The rest of the students flared up and said, ” are you crazy? She is damn old for that!” At first, only few students really tried to see this picture from another frame of reference. Some students went up to the screen and pointed to the line on the drawing.
Gradually, they began to calmly discuss specifics points of difference, and finally able to see the other point of view. But when we looked away and then back, most of us would immediately see the image we had been conditioned to see in the ten-second period of time. It shows, first of all, how powerfully conditioning affects our perceptions, our paradigms. If ten seconds can have that kind of impact on the way we see things, what about conditioning of a lifetime? It also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behaviors. We see the world not as it is, but as we are-or, as we are conditioned to see it.
Paradigm means model, a theory, perception, assumption, or frame of reference. In a more general sense, it’s the way we see the world – not in terms of visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, interpreting. Not all paradigm are in positive directions. But whether they shift us in positive or negative directions, whether they are instantaneous or developmental, paradigm shifts create powerful change. Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others. (Source: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey, pp.23).
